im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
it's great music for shaving your balls
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Randomize
