Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize