real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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