So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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