My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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