I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
