Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
