I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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