Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
