Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
