she is the kim kardashian of front butts
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Less talking, more tequila
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
