Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Randomize
