420 ftw
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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