Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
