Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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