Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
