I wish my penis had an off switch
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Randomize
