I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Come see our sink grown plant.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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