if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
