i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
