this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
