Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
