Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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