hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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