i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
