I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize