No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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