woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
