laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I want to fling myself into the sun
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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