nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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