drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
