The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize