cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
