I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
