Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
