Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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