I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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