as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
