Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
