You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I've blown a few things in my day
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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