When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
