There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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