I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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