she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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