this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
