I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Randomize
