Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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