When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
