Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
