I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
