Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
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