Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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