He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
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