You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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