just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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