So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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