i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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