And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Randomize