I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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