I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Just high enough for therapy.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
