Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
