okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
