the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
