My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
