Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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