This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
