he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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