just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
