she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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