My hand turned me down
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
