But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
