i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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