The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Randomize
