I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
