i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
