no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
