Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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