How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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