i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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