Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
