i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
