I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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