i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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