At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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