I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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