you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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