Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
