I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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