Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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