That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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