you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
