when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
He shit in the fireplace
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
