I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
