you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
