youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
