did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Are my feet made of real feet?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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