halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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