The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
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